Zzzzzz......

We're in the midst of "sleep training" Jack.  I use that term lightly because we haven't taken a fast and hard route that involves strict bedtimes, crying it out, or soothing at five minute intervals.  I've discovered that - more than any book, website, or "helpful friends" - knowing our baby's personality (and our personalities) is the key to finding a method that works for everyone. 

For most of Jack's first year, he slept in a rocker that was fitted into the bassinet at our bedside.  While I recovered from my c-section, then my gall bladder surgery, I had Jeff take him out of the bassinet and hand him to me, then I pulled up the nursing pillow and half slept sitting up while he nursed.  I then changed him, burped him, swaddled him, and Jeff put him back in the bassinet where he would hopefully fall asleep for another hour.  This repetitive and difficult process took months to overcome.  By the time he was old enough to sleep flat and unswaddled in the bassinet, we were both beyond exhausted.  I then discovered that I could literally roll him up onto the bed from the bassinet, nurse him lying down, then roll him back down into the bassinet to sleep a bit longer.  That slowly turned into me falling asleep for a half hour while Jack nursed, which morphed - obviously - into us both falling asleep in the bed while he occasionally nursed as needed while I half woke to help position him.  By the time this process was complete, Jack was sleeping in the bed full-time - and essentially nursing whenever he pleased.  I didn't care, though, because I was usually asleep, albeit a very light and somewhat agitated sleep.  But it was more than I'd had in a long time.  Jack continued to grow, and soon became adept at carving out his little niche in the middle of the bed (that placement made me somewhat safer about co-sleeping while he was already capable of possibly rolling or crawling off the bed) by lying diagonally and punching Jeff in the face and shoulder to move him over, and kicking me in the stomach and legs to move me over.  He then slept as though he were making a snow angel.  I should mention that I continued to put Jack to sleep while nursing him in the bed, then transferring him to the bassinet for a few hours until I came to bed.  This was fine until he learned how to sit up on his own.  Once he woke up, I would race upstairs and invariably find him sitting up in the bassinet, or in the process of crawling onto our rather high bed.  Had I been held up at any point, I'm not sure what he would have done.  Perhaps just continued sitting there and crying, or perhaps - more frightening an option - trying to crawl off the bed to come find us. 


It was at this point that Jeff gently encouraged me to try to get him used to the crib.  I say gently because I 1) felt attached to Jack in a way that convinced me that he would think I was abandoning him should I put him into the crib at this more advanced age, and 2) I was convinced that I slept better with him in the bed with us, and that I would return to that awful first few months of sleep walking and nursing constantly.  But it was starting to become a safety issue, much less an annoyance, particularly to Jeff who likes to toss and turn and, with Jack in the bed, slept fitfully and in fear that he would roll over or throw his blankets on Jack.  


We started slowly by putting Jack in the crib for the first few hours of the night (i.e. the time I was still up but downstairs with Jeff).  It took awhile, but he became used to that, and probably rather enjoyed having all of that space to himself.  Every time he would wake and cry, I'd go up and nurse and rock him back to sleep.  But, still convinced that sleeping with a large, squirming toddler was preferable to being woken out of a deep sleep by a screaming baby, I continued to bring him into the bed with me once I went to bed.  I hate admitting this but I even occasionally woke him out of a deep sleep just to bring him into our bed.  Weeks later, it occurred to me that I should at least let him wake up naturally, and we started trying to do entire nights in the crib.  The first two nights were amazing.  He woke up twice, but could be rocked back to sleep in a matter of minutes.  We felt as though we'd really turned a corner. 


Silly us... for the third night brought some challenges.  After going to bed around 7:30 p.m., Jack woke up at 11:30 p.m., and no amount (even an hour and a half) of rocking or nursing, or even bringing him into our bed, would result in him falling back to sleep.  The only option at that point, in order for me to not have a nervous breakdown, I brought him downstairs for Jeff to deal with him for a bit until he tired out enough to bring back up to bed.  This continued for a fourth night, and at that point, having had eight hours of sleep over two nights, decided to revert to bringing him into the bed, only if necessary to get at least a little sleep.  

Though it's not a perfect process by any means, it's an improvement, and we've managed to refrain from having him cry himself to sleep.  Not that we won't necessarily have to resort to this in the future, but as long as I feel like we're making progress, I think we're on the right track.